TheBabyCarriers

Archive for March 24th, 2010

With the sour economy still hovering over our nation’s consciousness, I can’t help but wonder how our kids would be affected if we were to really hit hard times. One thing I know for sure is its affect on me as a child, and how it continues to affect me as a parent today.

My story doesn’t begin with, “Although we didn’t have very much, we were rich in laughter and our days were carefree.”

No, as a single parent carrying the burden of being the bread winner, my mother constantly worried and was rarely at rest in her heart.

I was the oldest in the family and saw up close how being restless affected her moods. Looking back, I think she tried to distract herself from worry by being busy or controlling. While some children resort to apathy (as to not rock the boat), I compensated by putting her worries on my own shoulders. I would be my mom’s hero.

Our family checkbook was open for me to see, so I was often concerned whether we’d have enough for clothes, food, school supplies and the bills. One of my biggest worries came when one of us got sick, since we couldn’t afford to see the doctor. I still remember how anxious I felt, hearing my little sister cough at night, unsure if it’s simply a cold or something more.

With mom too worried and busy coping with her own problems, I grew up too quickly without the perspective from one who is at rest with herself and with the world.

So I told myself when I was young and thinking about life — if I ever get to be a mom, even if I hit hard times — I want to be the mom who doesn’t pass worry onto my kids.

It’s true that growing up early in life has made me stronger and more resourceful than if I hadn’t gone through it. And out of my need for someone to guide and care for me, my faith in God grew deep and real.

But like a drop of water on the dessert ground, my childhood disappeared, with too much knowledge on a heart that was too young.

I’d rather pass on joy and laughter to my children. I want them to remember mommy smiling more than worrying.

After all, my kids will have their own share of headaches and heartache. With or without money, that’s just the honest truth.

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